“I lost my father when I was 18 years old. I knew that I had to look after my family as I was the eldest of all 4 siblings. My family could not afford to purchase milk for a family of 5 (4 siblings and 1 parent). I didn’t know the taste of milk until I got married and could afford to buy it. Recalling those days gives me a chill down my spine. It was my dream to become a fighter pilot when I was 14 years old and collected a lot of aeroplane souvenirs,magazines & photos. I was learning how to fly a plane during my NCC training in 1973. It was surreal. I hadn’t felt more liberated before this.
But, after my father’s death, I had to leave this dream aside. I even loved clicking photographs during my college days and one of my wishes on my bucket list was to travel the whole of India and capture its beautiful people using my camera, which I had purchased from my savings. I had got scolded by my Uncle for wasting money on electronic equipment. But I didn’t stop, I used to randomly step out to capture. I wanted to roam the entire world but
life had different plans for me. I knew that I could not pursue this as I had to earn money for a living. So I got married and shifted to Mumbai for my job. After working for almost 42 years, I retired in 2018 and have been happy with my family since then – we crack jokes, go out and recall our past memories together, and I’m loving it. I am now a Life Coach and also conduct meditation sessions to help people. I have finally got my true calling.
One thing I’ve learnt in all these years of my life is that life isn’t a bed of roses and that it doesn’t always work as per our plan, youhave to take each day as it comes.
And what better than a pandemic to make all of us realise this?”
Chapter 2
“Ours was a typical arranged marriage. To be honest, I never wanted to get married. But, when I turned 33, my father insisted on me getting married. Our parents fixed our match only on the basis of photo exchange & we had a traditional Bengali marriage on 24th May 1978.
In spite of having an arranged marriage, we became the best of friends over time. We fought like Tom & Jerry. The part after the fight was the best. To pacify her, I used to make a hot cup of coffee. Another routine habit was to listen to Rabindra sangeet together. I also used to recite poems for her. Her favorite song was ‘Neele Neele Ambar Par Chaand Jab Aaye’.
Our lives changed for the better when she gave birth to a beautiful girl. We were a simple happy family. However, life took a drastic turn in 2011 when my wife got detected with a brain tumour. I didn’t want to accept this news & ran helter-skelter to doctor’s clinics just to run away from the reality, but that didn’t change it. Her premorbidity worsened the tumour & she had to be given insulin shots. I have an immense phobia of needles. But, I loved her and decided to get rid of this fear just to give her the injection. Over the years, she turned into a vegetable and had to be dependent upon others for daily chores. My daughter got married in Bengaluru and it was only me and a helper who took care of her. She lost all her hair due to chemotherapy but for me, she was always the most beautiful woman in the room.
I made sure to convey that to her every day. We’ve never said I love you to each other or expressed it publicly, but we were deeply attached to each other. I wasn’t ready to accept that she would depart but seeing her suffer so much, I finally gathered the courage to whisper in her ears, that I am letting her go to find the divine connection. Maybe she was waiting for me to say this. Within 2 hours,she left for her heavenly abode in 2019. I immensely miss her and am still madly in love with her, because I didn’t lose my wife, I lost my best friend.
People often ask me the definition of love. For me, it’s FRIENDSHIP FOR LIFE”
Chapter 3
“I got married at the right age & the right time. But during those days, we were not given a lot of time to make a decision about a lifelong bond of ‘marriage’. I & my ex husband were poles apart with completely different mindsets, but divorce in India is considered to be taboo. Moreover, after giving birth to 2 kids, it was even harder. So we stuck around for almost 23 years until we realised that our happiness lay outside this relationship. I was resilient enough to take this decision because I was fortunate to have completed my Post Graduation & could earn a living for myself with the degree. I feel that it is very important for women to be independent. I always had a clash about this with my family because my father believed that a woman need not pursue higher education as she ultimately has to look after her husband’s house. I was never in support of this. For me, education was an integral part of my identity.
Post my separation from my partner, I have found my happy place and my true identity. I am 58 years old and am now a certified Therapist and a Counsellor. I completed the last leg of my education in 2016 (though I had a hard time preparing for exams due to lack of touch). I have also taken my hobbies and interest ahead by acting in plays and playing tennis at 5 am in the morning. Nothing stops me from doing what I want to do. At an age where people have preconceived notions about pursuing new interests, I have trained myself in the Salsa dance style. My trainer compliments me for my dancing skills, which I was once intimidated by. I was a regular at Salsa dance nights before Covid and have been loving every bit of my life.
They say that life stops when you don’t have a partner with you. As an independent woman and an artist, I’d rather say “Life is a play and the show must go on. Don’t wait for people to applaud you, be your own applause and your own Star”.
Chapter 4
I was born in an affluent family, but life had different plans for me. During the partition of East & West Bengal, my family & I lost everything. We had to make all ends meet to manage 1 meal for the day. Those days, kids of my age would purposely become country crusaders, to get arrested so that they could eat the jail’s food & satiate their hunger.
I did the same, because of which I landed up in jail for 15 days. But I didn’t complain, because I hadn’t enjoyed a hearty meal in days. We managed to somehow survive those tough times. I was a curious teenager & wanted to study, but my parents couldn’t afford to send me to an English medium school. However, I managed to complete my education & got my first job as a Salesman. I paved my way to success & saved enough to start my own advertising agency. This was when McGrath, an associate of the world’s famous training Institute, spotted me at an event & offered me to get trained under the prestigious Dale Carnegie Institute, New York. I was reluctant as I had found my comfort zone in advertising. But, the curiosity inside me wanted to give this a try.
My trainer & guru McGrath’s skills left me awestruck and were motivated me to start something similar in India. In 1977, became the pioneer in behavioural training programs in India, when I founded MILT (McGrath Institute Of Leadership Training).
l also founded SNEHALAYA, a part of the MILT charitable trust. It is a home of C for children above 5+ years who either have a single parent or no parent. I wanted to do my bit towards them because I didn’t want other children to suffer the way I did. Children here strongly pledge “I WILL DIE, BUT NEVER LIE”.
Now, I am 83 years old. I have lived life king size – partied, got drunk, married, separated, survived poverty, hunger & a pandemic. I want to die with my boots on & not in an ICU. In spite of my poor memory, I attend all training programs even now.
I have challenged everyone that the day they don’t see me for a program, they can presume I am dead. Until then, I am chilling at my cosy house, attending virtual conventions & enjoying each moment because “LIFE IS A GIFT WHICH WE MUST ENJOY EVERYDAY”.
Chapter 5
“I was born to a middle-class family in a quaint village of Kerala in 1945. After completing engineering, I was confused about my career path. During that time, the economic condition in India was bad. The Indo China War of 1962 & the Indo Pak War of 1965 became a turning point. As a voracious reader, I was keen to know about warfare & defence. My desire to join the defence forces became stronger, as I discussed it with a few family members who were serving in the defence.
In December’1969, I was finally commissioned into the Engineering Branch of the Indian Navy. After my basic training and a special course in Marine Engineering, I joined the active drive in June’1970.
In defence they say, “The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war”. As a young officer, I got the opportunity to participate in the Indo Pak War of 1971. I would call it one of the most challenging yet enriching experiences of my life. Amidst all the warfare and my responsibilities as the Indian Navy Captain, I saw my fellow companions losing their lives for our country. As defence personnel, you are trained to be strong to accept the loss of your dear ones, but I lost a close friend who was stationed at INS Kukri, which was destroyed by the Pakistani Navy. In spite of being strong, my whole world came crashing down. It took me a long time to get over this early loss of a young friend.
However, all the challenges and tragedies have taught me ‘honesty’, ‘integrity’, ‘discipline’, ‘punctuality’ and the courage to face precarious situations without losing my calm.
As I turn 76 this year, I can humbly say that I have completed innumerable 10 km & 21 km Marathons. I have been consistently running even when the nationwide lockdown happened, ’cause they say ‘Life is like a show & we are all artists, so the show must go on’. I recently fell while running & suffered a fracture, but that didn’t stop me from doing anything.
When I look back, I am happy to reminisce all my life’s experiences with my loving family. I have no complaints from life and my only wish is to stay happy every day, help the needy & spend the rest of years in good health.
To sum up, I am retired, but not tired”